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Acceptance
Claudia Black, xix
help from others to gain self-acceptance, 9
ACA - How It Works, acceptance of loss, 83
support and acceptance in meetings, 84
acceptance as opposite of denial, 92
Step 4, Feelings exercise, 185
Step 12, the promise of ACA, 294
Relapse, not being perfectionist about recovery, 393
Relationships, mutual respect and acceptance in meetings, 404
ACA Teen, 487
Tradition 1, unity in business meetings, 492
Tradition 2, why we accept group conscience, 498
awareness, acceptance, action, 568.

Self-acceptance 
"We believe that the [Laundry] list is a gateway into a life of clarity and self-acceptance." 4
Perfectionism and a lack of self-acceptance, 36
Self-acceptance as spiritual remedy for family dysfunction, 76
Step 3, a loving Higher Power as an inexhaustible well of self-acceptance, 142
Step 10, inventorying what you do right, 251
Self-Love, no self-acceptance in the false self, 435
Mirror work, 441 (exercises 444)
Tradition 3, 504

Affirmations, "It is okay to...", 329-328

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It would probably be easier to list the pages in the book that don't relate to boundaries in some way, but here is a list of the pages that are mentioned in the index under "boundaries."

Business Meetings
• Allow everyone to express views, 594-595
• Sharing at Business Meetings, 596-597
• Tradition 2 Meditation, for reading at start of business meeting, 502

Regular Meetings
• Secretary, role wrt safety, 598, point 6
• Crosstalk, definition of 573-575
• Crosstalk, dealing with 575-576

Tradition 1, 491-496
• Bullying, 491, 1st share
• Meeting's welfare above individuals', 492, 2nd para
• Conflicts in healthy meetings, 492, 3rd para
• Group conscience about conflict, 493, 2nd para
• Unhealthy meetings, 493
• Meeting dominated by 1 or a few members, 493-492
• Triggering relapse, 494-495
• Valuing individuality in unity, 495

Tradition 3, 503-507
• "only respectable dysfunctional people", 503

Tradition 9, 532-537
• Unsafe members, 533-535
• Asking member to take a break, counseling, 534
• Self-banning 534-535
• Trusted servants, dealing with flakes, 535-537

Boundaries: 102, 123, 148, 250,
320, 373, 413-414, 419, 430, 443, 483; defined: 346-347; saying "no": 329

Boundaries
Definition 346-347: purpose is to allow us to remain safe, respected and free of harm
Letting go creates stronger boundaries, 148, 1 full para, leads to discernment. Applying discernment to current situation, what do you perceive/feel?
250 Thoughts are not actions

Building trust with your inner child by setting and enforcing boundaries with others
320, 2nd-3rd para
321, 2nd full para

At Work
418, point 12, don't know how to speak up
point 17, don't know how to get needs met
419, point 19, don't know how to set boundaries
419, point 24, high tolerance for workplace dysfunction

family roles play out in workplace (or meetings)
421, last para - 422, para 1-3

Control
143, last para - 144, 2nd para

High Tolerance for Inappropriate Behavior
Step 1
Step One Summary
Comparison between dysfunctional family and dysfunctional meeting.
Tend to recreate family dysfunction in all types of relationships, including in meetings.
"We must shatter the illusion that we can reason out a painless solution."
122-123 (Stop before Hitting Bottom)

Affirmations
329-330, all. but particularly 2, 5, 8, 10, 12

Third Identity Paper
358, Challenging Authority
358, Defiance, A Natural Response to abuse

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When I first started to learn to set boundaries, my new-found assertiveness often caused conflicts. So I had to learn to set and enforce boundaries in a less blunt manner. The 3-part deflecting and redirecting answer is the result. It's useful for answering a question if you don't want to give the real reason for your answer. It works particularly well for answering questions about future plans.

Here are the three parts, in sequence:

1. Answer
Answer the question unambigously. "No" is a complete sentence, as is "yes". If you feel it's appropriate, you can add polite phrases but don't give a reason at this stage. The risk of JADEing is too great.

2. Deflect
This part of the answer needs to be as vague and generic as possible. No specifics, no promises, no commitments. In this part you can give a reason for your answer but it has to be non-specific. Cliches, quotes and program slogans are useful for that. So are hedging qualifiers: "maybe", "perhaps", "HP willing" etc.

3. Redirect
Ask the questioner something about themselves. It's often safer to change to another subject for the redirection, rather than stay on the subject of the question.

People who like to pry often also love the sound of their own voice, so in many cases you can just ask them an open-ended question. If you regularly deal with poorly-boundaried people, it can be useful to note topics that they are interested in or want to appear knowledgeable about for this purpose.

An even safer variation is to ask somebody else something. This is a pretty strong signal that you don't want to engage in conversation with the original questioner. That means that it may not be in your own best interest to use this strategy, e.g if the original questioner wields power over you. Don't use it with your boss, do use it with your jackass neighbor.

Some examples
These examples all use the same starting question to illustrate different directions: "Are you coming to dinner tonight?"

Brief
1. No.
2. I have other plans.
3. Did you go last week?

Polite
1. Thanks for asking but I have to pass.
2. Work is just crazy right now.
3. Did I hear you say you had a job interview this week?

Non-committal
1. Probably not.
2. Maybe next week.
3. Did you ride your bike today?

Tips
  • If you're anticipating questions about a specific subject, decide how you're going to answer them ahead of time.
  • Learn to say deflecting slogans and cliches with a straight face in front of the bathroom mirror:
  • When evaluating the results look for better phrases to answer common questions.
  • Keep it brief. 3-5 sentences is ideal. At 7 you're in the weeds and if it takes you 10 sentences you're probably way over in JADE territory.
  • If all else fails, answer the question with another question: "Why do you ask?" Whatever their answer is, your response is "I see." and then you change the topic. If you can't come up with another topic, it also works to simply look the offending person in the eye and keep your mouth shut. They'll back down. This is extremely uncomfortable for most people, so it's a last resort. But I've never seen it fail.
Difficult people
Most people will stop asking uncomfortable questions right away. People who don't, probably have poor boundaries in other areas as well. That's useful knowledge about them. 

If somebody asks a follow up question, they are being rude. A non-verbal sign that you are uncomfortable is appropriate. For example raising your eye brows, saying "Umm" and looking down.

This is a good time to ask for help and accept it. Shoot a quick glance at an ally and then look down to give them a chance to intervene.

Don't take the bait
Look down and make sure your mouth is closed. Put a finger across your lips, if you need it.

If you just let it be quiet for a moment longer, somebody will step in and change the subject or simply state the obvious: That the questioner is making you uncomfortable and that's not nice. Let this part of the conversation play out without contributing. Once you're on to safer topics, you can start talking again.

Preparation
If you know you're going to be around snooping people, you can bring up the subject with a safe person and directly ask them to intervene if the snoop puts you on the spot. It can be a mutual defense pact or unilateral. This is an opportunity to honestly negotiate to get your needs met.

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9. Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.

Before Setting Boundaries
"We must be able to identify and respect our needs, feelings, opinions, and rights. Otherwise our efforts would be like putting a fence around a yard without knowing the property lines."

Here are 12 boundaries around dating and relationships to try on for size. Boundaries are also important in the workplace.

JADE
JADE stands for "justify, argue, defend, explain." If you think you are setting boundaries with somebody but they don't stick, there's a pretty good chance that you're engaging in JADE. Adult children will often do this because we feel that we don't really deserve to have our boundaries respected.
  • Are there any boundaries that you would like to have but don't really feel worthy of?
  • Do you doubt that other people have the right to have these boundaries? If so, what's getting in the way for you?
  • Are there any specific boundaries that you are trying to enforce by justifying them to the other person? Does it work?
  • Do you ever argue for your boundaries? Do people respect you more afterwards?
  • When you verbally defend your boundaries, do you feel better or worse afterwards?
  • There are boundaries that you shouldn't need to explain to others. Can you give some examples?
If somebody keeps violating your boundaries even though you are communicating your needs, you need to stop JADEing and take decisive action instead. It may be time to get angry, or to take a temporary or permanent break from the person abusing you. Here are some realistic tips for dealing with pressure at different levels.

Even with excellent boundary setting and enforcing skills, some people are just not worth the effort.
  • Who are the people in your life that fit the quoted description?
Anger
There is nothing wrong with anger in itself. It is a feeling, like all other feelings. Depending on the situation, expressing appropriate anger can make others take our boundaries more seriously. Being able to express anger in a way that serves us is a powerful relationship skill.

Karla MacLaren says: "Anger sets your boundaries by walking the perimeter of your soul and keeping an eye on you, the people around you, and your environment. If your boundaries are broken (through the insensitivity of others, or in any other way), anger comes forward to restore your sense of strength and separateness."
  • When do you feel angry?
  • Can you remember any recent situations in which you expressed anger to enforce your boundaries?
  • What was the result? Where you happy with it? If not, what would you change next time?
  • Are there things in your life that prevent you from appropriately expressing anger?
    • Fear of abandonment?
    • Lack of positive role models?
    • Spiritual ideas about anger?
  • In what kinds of boundary-setting situations do you feel that there is no appropriate way to express anger?
Baby steps toward setting boundaries
One of the guiding principles in recovery work is to take baby steps in the right direction and trust that you'll eventually end up where you want to be.
  • Can you identify any specific boundary that you already feel competent in setting?
  • Are there any people or categories of people who it would be easier to set boundaries with than others?
  • What other characteristics might you use to determine if a boundary would be easier or harder to set?

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This reading is from the Palo Alto Monday night meeting. Similar readings are used in most Santa Clara County meetings.

“Some people attending ACA meetings have not grown beyond their victim or victimizer roles. They may attempt to meet their own needs by manipulating newcomers to ACA. This is known as the ‘13th Step’ in most Twelve Step programs. When this happens, it can violate the safety of the meeting and drive away group members. An experienced ACA member should never take financial, emotional or sexual advantage of anyone, including a new person in ACA.

The love and respect we offer to newcomers is a reflection of the love and respect we are learning to offer ourselves.”

If anyone feels they are being taken advantage of in these or other ways, we encourage and invite you to approach the meeting secretary, other trusted servants or anyone who you feel safe sharing this information with. This is not meant to replace the responsibility we each have to set and maintain our own healthy boundaries.
Quote from the ACA Big Book, page 349

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"We do not cross talk because adult children come from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions were judged as wrong or defective. We accept without comment what others say because it is true for them. We work toward taking more responsibility in our lives rather than giving advice to others." from the ACA sample meeting format

When an adult child shares in an ACA meeting all attention should be directed at them. The crosstalk rules are meant to prevent that the focus is shifted to somebody else.


Crosstalk by the Sharer
If the person who is sharing shifts the focus from themselves to somebody else in the meeting, it's usually crosstalk. Some examles:
  • speaking directly to another person in the room
  • mentioning the name of another person in the room
  • referring specifically to another person's share
  • speaking for all people in a group, e.g "We adult children..."
  • addressing people in a group, e.g "You women...", "All men..."
Some times sharers will do this to people please or to stir up drama so they don't have to deal with their own issues.

Exceptions
It is not crosstalk to talk about the same subject as somebody else. So, e.g. if one person has just talked about starting therapy, the next person can also talk about that they are starting therapy as long as they're not trying to associate their share with the previous share or sharer.

How to Avoid
To keep the focus on themselves, sharers are encouraged to use "I-statements" and avoid "you" and "we".

Crosstalk by a Non-Sharer
Reactions
The adult children who aren't sharing at the moment can steal the limelight from the sharer by reacting to their share. Some examples:
  • commenting on the current share
  • reacting vigorously or loudly to the share
  • repeatedly making non-verbal noises as if in a phone conversation
"Thank you for sharing"
In some meetings everybody will say "Thank you for sharing" or something similar after each share. Some people feel that is crosstalk, particularly if the volume of gratitude varies depending on who shared. The same applies to applause and other ways of acknowledging each share.

Laughter
If the sharer is laughing, it's usually OK to join in. Although if somebody attracts the meetings attention by laughing much louder and longer than the sharer, that can be crosstalk.

If the sharer isn't laughing, some people feel that it's crosstalk if somebody else starts to laugh. The reasoning here is that it's fine to laugh with the sharer but it's not OK to laugh at the sharer. If the sharer isn't laughing, you can't laugh with them.

This area is a minefield. For that reason you may notice that oldtimers often laugh silently in meetings. That's because it's easy to ignore somebody by not looking at them. Ignoring somebody who is laughing out loud is much harder. This goes back to the original intent of the crosstalk rules -- allowing everybody in the meeting to focus on the current sharer.

Tissues & Comfort
If the sharer starts to cry, in many meetings it's not OK to offer tissues or touch them. Those meetings feel that everybody should be allowed to deal with their feelings on their own. In some meetings, it's OK to offer tissues after the sharer is  done with sharing. Some meetings even have a tissue box just for that purpose.

If somebody is feeling distress because another person is crying, it's the distressed person's problem. It's fine to step outside for a moment to regain focus.

If you want to offer somebody comfort after the meeting is over, remember to ask first if it's OK to touch or hug them. If they say no, it's your job to back down gracefully.  This is a vulnerable moment, particularly for newcomers, so please keep  13th stepping issues in mind.

Non-Reactions
Some adult children will also attract others' attention by doing things that aren't a reaction to the current share, e.g whispering with somebody sitting next to them, tapping their foot or humming. If it distracts others, it's crosstalk.

Most meetings don't consider it crosstalk to quietly write in a journal, drink non-alcoholic drinks, or anything else that only distracts yourself. Children or pets can be distracting, so some meetings have rules around bringing them into the meeting room. The same applies to eating, which can also be distracting to others.

Exceptions
It's not crosstalk to quietly walk into or out of the room while somebody is sharing. However it is considered more polite to wait until the end of a share.



Outside the Meeting
Crosstalk rules only apply during the meeting.

If you want to have a two-way conversation about what somebody shared you can have that before or after the meeting. Just make sure that you ask first if it's OK to talk about what the other adult child shared about. If you wouldn't be OK with being told no, find somebody else to talk to.

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This reading is used in the Palo Alto Wednesday night meeting, as well as the Friday Freedom meeting in Campbell. 
  1. I have a right to all those good times that I have longed for all these years and didn't get.
  2. I have a right to joy in this life, right here, right now -- not just a momentary rush of euphoria but something more substantive.
  3. I have a right to relax and have fun in a nonalcoholic and nondestructive way.
  4. I have a right to actively pursue people, places and situations that will help me in achieving a good life.
  5. I have the right to say no whenever I feel something is not safe or I am not ready.
  6. I have a right to not participate in either the active or passive crazy-making behavior of parents, of siblings and of others.
  7. I have a right to take calculated risks and to experiment with new strategies.
  8. I have a right to mess up, to make mistakes, to blow it, to disappoint myself, and to fall short of the mark.
  9. I have a right to leave the company of people who deliberately or inadvertently put me down, lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate or humiliate me, including my alcoholic parent, my nonalcoholic parent, or any other member of my family.
  10. I have a right to end conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated
  11. I have a right to all my feelings.
  12. I have a right to trust my feelings, my judgment, my hunches, my intution.
  13. I have a right to develop myself as a whole person emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.
  14. I have a right to express all of my feelings in a nondestructive way and at a safe time and place.
  15. I have a right to as much time as I need to experiment with this new information and these new ideas and to initiate changes in my life.
  16. I have a right to sort out the bill of goods my parents sold me -- to take the acceptable and dump the unacceptable.
  17. I have a right to a mentally healthy, sane way of existence, though it will deviate in part, or all, from my parents’ prescribed philosophy of life.
  18. I have a right to carve out my place in this world.
  19. I have a right to follow any of the above rights, to live my life the way I want to, and not wait until my alcoholic parent gets well, gets happy, seeks help, or admits there is a problem.

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Many adult children feel that they are more stressed than they should be. But often that's because we're in denial about how stressful our situation is, objectively speaking. Here is a simple test to find out if you are at risk for stress-related health issues. It may be a good idea to take this test regularly, say every 6 or 12 months, and journal about your progress.

Many of the events in the test are not things we can change. Christmas is going to roll around every year, no matter how much step work we do. Others are things we actually want to happen, e.g. marriage or pregnancy.

On the other hand, we can consciously pursue a serene lifestyle by making decisions that will decrease the risk of negative stressful events. Examples of such decisions are investing time in forming consistent self-care habits, breaking off a toxic relationship or asking for help with doing taxes well before they're due.

These are ways of counteracting what it says in the Problem"Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable relationships."  
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funny cat pictures - Anxiety Cat sez dis day iz too perfekt- too serene: sumfin must be rong- . . .SUMWEREZ!

If you're concentrating on the "humor" part of "We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect." a daily dose of LOLcat may be helpful.

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What we've agreed on in business meetings in the various Palo Alto and Los Altos ACA meetings is that the principle is that first shares are prioritized. It's not OK to share a second time just because nobody is sharing right then. If somebody wants to come in for a second share, they can ask the secretary if it's OK. 
  • If everybody in the meeting has already shared once, and the sharing portion of the meeting isn't finished, the secretary usually just says yes and the person who asked shares first. Others can then share after them until the time for sharing is up.
  • If almost all people in the meeting have shared, the secretary asks those who haven't yet shared if they want to share. If they do want to share, they all go first.
  • The question of second shares is only broached again if everybody has shared once or declined to share, and the time for sharing isn't over. Please don't allow one person to repeatedly harass the meeting for second shares. We all need to take responsibility for getting our needs met without trampling on others. If somebody needs to share more, they can talk to somebody after the meeting or make a program call.
  • However, there's also a limit for how long somebody can be allowed to dither about if they want to share or not. Don't let one person hold the rest of the meeting hostage.
  • If there are a significant number of people who haven't yet shared, the secretary will say that it's too early and just won't allow the second share at that point. 
  • Even if nobody asks, when everybody has shared once and there is still time left on the sharing portion of the meeting, the secretary takes the initiative and says "I'm opening the meeting for second shares."
Meeting Etiquette
If you are attending a meeting and there are long stretches of silence but you don't want to share, it's considerate to say "I'm [name] and I'm here to listen today. Thanks." or "I'm [name] and I'm grateful for the meeting. Thanks."

That way the secretary counts you as having shared, so you don't inadvertently prevent others from sharing a second time if there's enough time for that. Just be aware that this counts as a share, so don't do it at the beginning of the meeting and then expect to get a second share if not everybody has spoken. 

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This table is from Charles L Whitfield's recovery classic Healing the Child Within. Whitfield was one of the pioneers in the Adult Children movement in the 80s. Healing the Child Within was first published in 1987. Whitfield is also the author of The Doctor's Opinion in the ACA Big Book

Keep in mind that these are outcomes, i.e they're not something you can or should control. This kind of knowledge is useful for making sure you're heading in the right direction. Please don't use it to "should" yourself.

click here for the whole tableCollapse )


Healing the Child Within is still in print and many libraries have copies. It's highly recommended for all adult children, particularly those in early recovery.

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Sudarshan Kriya is a breathing technique taught by The Art of Living non-profit. One of their claims is that the technique helps PTSD sufferers.

There are other breathing techniques with ample scientific proof of helping PTSD sufferers, so it's worth looking into. Typically breathing techniques, e.g diaphragmatic breathing and tactical breathing, need to be practiced on a daily basis to be effective. 

Unfortunately some of the practices of The Art of Living are reminiscent of Transcendental Meditation and Scientology, in particular the insistence on secrecy and only teaching the technique through personal instruction. On the other hand, their courses aren't particularly expensive.

Below are some links that I found while searching for more information. It's clear that there conflicting opinions about both AOL and the results of using the Sudarshan Kriya technique. Caveat emptor.

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One of the common characteristics of adult children is that we feel we don't know what's "normal" or healthy, so we guess. When our guesses are based on what was going on in our dysfunctional families of origin, we often end up with very strange conclusions. For that reason, examples of what reasonable non-ACAs consider healthy are useful. The idea isn't to uncritically adopt them, but rather to try them on for size.

When trying out new ideas, there are two questions I find helpful:
  • If I adopted this value, how would my life change? 
  • Paying attention to my gut feelings, what would it feel like if I had this boundary?
I found the following lists of must-haves and can't-stands on the dating site eHarmony. They're intended to help the site match you with a romantic partner, but many of them can just as well be applied to other types of relationships.

eHarmony's instructions say that you can pick up to 10 of each. That probably makes sense in the context of a dating site. Personally, I'm coming at it from the other side: If I'm going to reject any of them, I need to have a solid reason for that. E.g I've met plenty of people who had significantly more or less formal education than I do, and it didn't matter to me at all.

Click here for the listsCollapse )

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Consult this table to find out if there is an ACA meeting available during the holidays. All meetings are at the Palo Alto UU, unless otherwise specified. 
DateTime & PlaceOn
Saturday, Dec 244pm, room 4-5Yes
Sunday, Dec 25,
Women only
5.30pmNo
Sunday, Dec 25,
Mixed
Permanently closed: 7.00pm, San JoseNo
Monday, Dec 267.30pm, room 4-5Yes
Tuesday, Dec 27No open ACA meeting ---
Wednesday, Dec 287.30pm, room 6Yes
Thursday, Dec 29, 
Men only
7.00pm, Classroom 8
Congregation Beth Am, 26790 Arastradero Rd,
Los Altos Hills
Yes
Friday, Dec 30No open ACA meeting
Try CoDA 7.15 at El Camino Hospital, Mountain View,
Conference room C
, if you need a meeting.
 ---
Saturday, Dec 314pm, room 4-5Yes
Sunday, Jan 1,
Women only
5.30pm, room 4-5Yes
Sunday, Jan 1,
Mixed
Permanently closed: 7.00pm, San JoseNo
Monday, Jan 27.30 pm, room 4-5Yes

For ACA meetings in other locations, check the worldwide meeting list

Last updated: December 19, 2011.

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The Saturday meeting celebrated its 1-year anniversary with a well-attended BBQ. We're a bit late -- my first journal entry about the meeting is from April 2010. But better late than never. Besides, we had a great time.

Birthday cake
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This reading is from the Palo Alto Wednesday night meeting.

All ACA discussions should be constructive, helpful, loving and understanding. In striving toward these ideals, we avoid topics that can lead to dissension and distract us from our goals.

1. Discussion of Religion
ACA is not allied with any sect or denomination. It is a spiritual program, based on no particular form of religion. Everyone is welcome, no matter what affiliation or none. Let us not defeat our purpose by entering into discussions concerning specific religious tenets.

2. Gossip
We meet to help ourselves and to learn and use the ACA philosophy. In such group therapy, gossip can have no part in our program. We do not discuss fellow members; our dedication to anonymity gives people confidence in ACA. Careless repeating of matters heard at meetings can defeat the very purposes for which we are joined together.

3. Dominance
Our leaders are chosen not to govern, but to serve. No member of ACA should direct, assume authority or give advice. Our program is based on suggestion, interchange of experience, rotation of leadership. Each person makes progress in his or her own way and pace. Any attempt to manage or direct is likely to have disastrous consequences for group harmony.


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This reading is from the Palo Alto Wednesday night meeting.
  1. I feel comfortable and involved with people and authority figures.
  2. I have a strong identity and I give myself approval.
  3. I accept and use personal criticism in a positive way.
  4. I am becoming free from trying to fill my abandonment need.
  5. As I face my own victim role, I am attracted by strengths and understand weaknesses in my love and friendship relationships.
  6. I am getting myself well through loving and focusing on myself.
  7. It feels great to stand up for myself.
  8. I enjoy peaceful serenity.
  9. I love people who love and take care of themselves.
  10. I am free to feel and express my feelings, even when they are painful.
  11. I have a healthy sense of self-esteem.
  12. I am freed from abandonment and fear in relationships as I rely more and more on my Higher Power.
  13. Through the ACA group, I examine and release behaviors that I learned while living with the family diseases of addiction and dysfunction.
  14. I am an actor in this world, rather than a reactor.

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This reading is from the Palo Alto Monday night meeting.
We find that a difference in identity and purpose distinguishes Adult Children of Alcoholics from other 12-step programs, and underscores the need for our special focus.

The central problem for ACA’s is a mistaken belief, formed in childhood, which affects every part of our lives. As children, we fought to survive the destructive effects of addiction or dysfunction, and began an endless struggle to change a troubled, dysfunctional family into a loving, supportive one. We reach adulthood believing we failed, unable to see that no one can stop the traumatic effects of family addiction or dysfunction.

Two characteristics identify the ACA program. The program is for adults raised in addicted or dysfunctional homes, and although substance abuse may exist by the recovering adult child, the focus in on the self, specifically on reaching and freeing the inner-child, hidden behind a protective shield of denial.

The purpose of ACA is three-fold: to shelter and support newcomers in confronting denial; to comfort those mourning their early loss of security, trust and love; and to teach the skills for reparenting ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect.

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This reading is from the Palo Alto Monday night meeting. 

  1. Life should have choices beyond mere survival.

  2. I have a right to say “no” to anything when I feel that I am not ready or that it is unsafe.

  3. Life should not be motivated by fear.

  4. I have a right to all of my feelings.

  5. I need not take on guilt.

  6. I have a right to make mistakes.

  7. There is no need to smile when I want to cry.

  8. I have a right to terminate conversations with people who make me feel put-down and humiliated.

  9. I can be healthier than those around me.

  10. It is OK to be relaxed, playful and frivolous.

  11. I have a right to change and grow. 

  12. It is important to set limits and be selfish.

  13. I can be angry with someone I love.

  14. I can take care of myself, no matter what circumstances I am in.


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This meeting is now completely closed.
From the flyer:
"Are you interested in doing the steps with other ACA women? I am!
I would like to get a group of women (12+/-) together weekly to start working the steps in a collaborative and supportive environment. My goal is waking up and walking through each day with increased peace, serenity and trust in myself and others.
WHEN? Saturdays, starting October 15th.
TIME: 1:00 – 3:00 pm" (tentatively)
LOCATION: Palo Alto or nearby.

This is a chance to work the 12 steps of Adult Children of Alcoholics in an intimate group setting with like-minded adult children. This cosponsor group will be using the yellow 12 Step workbook and start with step 1.

No prior knowledge is necessary. Having a sponsor is not required. We have no dues or fees but we'll ask for voluntary donations of $1 - $3 per meeting to cover rent and other meeting expenses.

In addition to weekly attendance at your step study meeting, you will need 4-6 hours/week for reading and writing.

Interested?
If you are interested, comment here with your email address. I will forward your comment to the meeting secretary. Comments are screened, so I'm the only one who can see them.


All current Palo Alto/Los Altos meetings


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